If I had ever owned a cat, I would have recognized what the hacking and coughing sounds meant. As it was, some hindbrain instinct warned me just in time, and jerked me out of sleep right on cue to miss a spout of projectile vomit directed my way.

That was at 4 AM.

By 4:30 [...]

“Did I tell you what he said to me today?” the Guy asked.

“No,” I said.

“We were at Trader Joe’s, and he wanted to buy some snacks. I told him no snacks, because I was fat enough already. And he said, ‘Yeah, you’re too fat.’”

I laughed. (Well, who wouldn’t?) Hobbes was busily pushing trains around the living room floor, and didn’t look up.

“Hobbes,” I said. “Is Mommy too fat?” Dangerous territory, but I had to ask.

“No,” he said.

So now I know: my kid is smarter than average. Go figure.