September 26, 2000

Lisi and the Woods

For a rarity, I'm actually posting the day after I posted something else. It's not a trend, but a fluke. Seven pages of notes, remember?

The title is in congratulations to Katrina and Ken, whose daughter, Lisi, was born this month, just last week, isn't it? Five days behind the 21st is ... (hold on, advanced arithmetic...)... the 16th! Right? Right.

Happy ten-day birthday, Lisi!

I'm listening to Into The Woods, the Stephen Sondheim musical starring Bernadette Peters as The Witch. What a role. Don't mind me if I occasionally break into song; the lyrics are fabulous, even without the music, though that's not all that bad either.

Yesterday was my mother's birthday. I called her at 11:30 pm to wish her a belatedly happy one, and excited her interest by proclaiming that she would love her present. "If she doesn't," Smurfette said when I bought it, "make sure to tell her that she should exchange it for a size ten and ship it back to me."

Now I'm all anxious to give it to her. I had qualms on the way back home from work, Monday; my sister was waiting for me at the apartment with a turkey pot pie. I showed her the skirt. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the wistful thought, (firmly smothered), that if my sister didn't like it, I could return it to the store and get a refund, which I could spend on a less expensive present.

"Oh my God," my sister said. "She's going to love that."

So I suppose good taste -- mine -- holds, and Mom's going to get a fabulous present.

And I don't regret it one bit.

Tara emailed last night to ask how I got the neat little pictures on my page. www.corbis.com, ladies and gents. A tremendous repository of pictures of all kinds. I used to work there, once upon a time; I did data entry for them, and recall that they finally put me in a separate office because there was always awed commentary in nearby cubicles, and heads poking over the edge of partitions to check my typing speed. I suppose I could have been the subject of water cooler conversation as well.

A la Malcolm in the Middle: "Mom? Is Malcolm a robot?"

What the hell is this thing I'm eating for lunch? They called it a vegi wrap. It tastes like green cardboard with mayonnaise. I suppose it's healthy for me, but I'm not really liking the way it's oozing pastel colors all over my fingers. Is that a tomato? That better be a tomato.

Yack. I think I just ate a fried lemon.

LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD
Into the woods to bring some bread
To Granny who is sick in bed.
Never can tell what lies ahead,
For all that I know, she's already dead.
But into the woods, into the woods,
Into the woods to Grandmother's house,
and home before dark!

I'm not eating this. Yack. What a waste. Maybe there's a hungry termite somewhere I can hook up with....

The Guy Next Door, having changed cubicles, is now the College Boy, who started eager and nervous the first day and continues to be eager and nervous now, almost four weeks later.

At the second group meeting he attended, our Director-pro-tem-Manager told us that she wanted to have one-on-one meetings with us, "Just to see how things are going and to address any concerns you might have. Set it up on Schedule-plus, you should all have access."

College Boy trailed me back to my cubicle and hovered anxiously while I started sorting through notes.

"Do I have to do it too?" he asked, worried.

"Sure. Do you want help setting it up?"

His brow crinkled, and he sat down, looking even more anxious.

"But I didn't do anything."

Being fresh from college, I suppose his perspective is that any time one has to have a meeting with the principal, one is likely in a great deal of trouble. I can't blame him. That has to be one of the most gut-wrenching phrases in the English language. "Can I see you in my office?"

JACK (to his cow)
I guess this is goodbye, old pal, you've been a perfect friend.
I hate to see us part, old pal, someday I'll buy you back.
I'll see you soon again. I hope that when I do,
it won't be on a plate.

I'm sitting on a conference call with Australia, and the mute button is on, so I don't have to worry about the tippity-tappity of my typing interfering with business. I'm also not paying attention to the call anyway, because they're talking about stuff that I'm not concerned with. Oh, and I'm on my headset, so I'm not bothering anybody. I feel like Judy from Time Life Books, waiting now for your call.

Another childhood dream achieved. I'm feeling bitter. And I missed Buffy's premiere yesterday. I don't care because I don't watch Buffy -- gasp, I know, the horror, everybody watches Buffy, yes, yes -- but it all goes to show you, doesn't it?

Pause while I dash upstairs because I accidentally printed out this page on a printer somewhere on campus. Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrud.

My sister says I'm going on a blind date tonight. Just shoot me now.