October 6, 2001
  the lighthouse & the feet

Big feet and Little feet went on a trip. It was little feet's birthday two months ago, -- ("One month and a few days ago! Not two months!") -- and the little feet had gotten a birthday present from their sister: a splendiferous trip to a lighthouse hostel for the weekend.

"Yay!" said the little feet. "We're going to a lighthouse!"

It was supposed to be a secret between the little feet's little sister, the little feet's little sister's little man, and big feet, but the little feet's little sister was bad at keeping secrets. "You're going to Montaaaaara," the little feet's little sister chanted one day when the little feet was visiting their little sister, and then the little feet's little sister said, "Oh, shit," and slapped her hand in front of her mouth.

That's how the little feet found out that they were going to go to Montara Lighthouse, which is a very spiffy hostel on Moss Beach, right next to Half Moon Bay in California. "Have fun," said the little feet's little sister, before the little feet's little sister and the little feet's little sister's little man went away on a trip to Bo-li-vi-a. "We gave all the information to big feet because big feet are more responsible than little feet."

"Yay!" the little feet said to the big feet. "We're going to a lighthouse!"

"Crap," said the big feet. "We can't find the stuff your sister gave me about this trip."

"Oh," said the little feet.

"We don't like you anymore," said the little feet.

The big feet swore a lot and cleaned up their apartment. Then they found the stuff little feet's little sister had given them. "Whew," said the big feet. "Do you like me now?"

"Okay," said the little feet. "Yay! We're going to a lighthouse!"

The lighthouse was very pretty. The sky was grey. There were birds. There were flowers. There was a lot of water, because the lighthouse was on the seashore.

"I like the seashore," said the little feet.

"We're glad you like the seashore," said the big feet, politely.

There was a big whale on the path in front of the lighthouse. "I'm going to take a picture of the whale!" said the little feet.

They did.

This is the picture.

The little feet's sister had made them reservations at a restaurant right on top of the water. The big feet called the restaurant while the little feet were doing a little feet dance. The restaurant said it didn't know anything about the reservation, but it made a new one just for them.

The restaurant was very yummy. The little feet and the big feet ate a lot. They kept eating, and eating, and eating, and eating...

"Look," the big feet said to the little feet. "In the brochure, it says that the restaurant is haunted."

"Oooooh," said the little feet, and stopped eating so that they could read the brochure.

The restaurant had four ghosts, and it was once on Unsolved Mysteries, a TV show.

The little feet didn't see any ghosts. Neither did the big feet. The little feet were disappointed. The big feet weren't.

"Happy birthday to me!" said the little feet. They wondered if the restaurant would give them a cake, but the restaurant didn't. That was because it wasn't really the little feet's birthday. The little feet were just pretending.

The next morning, there was a great big yellow slug on the flowers next to the lighthouse.

"Ooooooh," said the little feet, and they started poking its antennae. The big yellow slug was surprised, and it sucked in its antennae. Without antennae, it looked like a big worm.

"Don't touch that!" said the big feet. "That's disgusting."

After they checked out of the lighthouse, the big feet and the little feet went for walkies in Half Moon Bay, where they saw many fish.

"We're going to buy a fish for our friends," announced the little feet, and they went into some stores and spent money.

"Let's get some coffee," said the big feet. They went to a cafe and the little feet bought the big feet some coffee. Then the big feet sat outside while the little feet went to visit the little feet's room. The little feet went back outside.

"See? Here I am!" yelled the little feet. "What the hell is it with you and condiments? Why do you keep taking pictures of ketchup?"

The big feet and the little feet went for more walkies.

"Oh, look at that!" said the little feet. "A spider!" They bought the spider for their mommy.

By now, the little feet and the big feet were tired.

"Let's go home," the big feet and the little feet said.

They got into the car and drove home.

And that was how the little feet went to the lighthouse.

"Yay! Lighthouse!"

It was a very pretty lighthouse.