January 05, 2003
the feet do thanksgiving
Picture: Clockwise from top, Mommy Feet, Little Feet, Big Feet, Sister Feet.
Little Feet and Big Feet went to Seattle for Thanksgiving vacation. Little Feet made the arrangements a long long time ago, (which was also when Thanksgiving was) and they were going to stay for oh, so many days. Four of them, in fact. Little Feet's Mommy Feet and Big Little Sister Feet were going to be there.
"Do I have to go?" asked Big Feet.
"Yes," said Little Feet, whose Mommy Feet had once told her one should be gentle about persuading one's friends to do things they don't want to do, but hadn't really been paying attention.
"How does Big Feet feel about spending four days in a house with your mother?" wondered Friend Feet, when they called Little Feet.
"I think Big Feet is shedding," said Little Feet.
"I am not shedding!" yelled Big Feet. "You take that back!"
But Little Feet didn't.
Seattle was very cold. Mommy Feet and Big Little Sister Feet picked them up at the airport. Mommy Feet decided they would spend the entire day in the car doing errands, but she wanted Big Feet to feel welcome, so she put Big Feet in the passenger seat next to her. Mommy Feet was driving a big blue Toyota Previa, and kept pointing out sights to Big Feet so he'd feel special.
Unfortunately, Mommy Feet kept doing it in Japanese, which Big Feet didn't understand. Also, there weren't really any sights to point out, so Mommy Feet pointed out factory buildings and pollution instead. "This is where Rainier Beer used to be made," Mommy Feet told Big Feet.
"Okay?" said Big Feet, because the Big Feet are from Britain and don't know anything about bad beer.
Little Feet and Big Little Sister Feet sat in the back seat and yelled a lot. Mommy Feet was a very bad driver. Every time Mommy Feet pointed, the big blue Toyota Previa started checking to see if the concrete was really greyer on the other side of the line.
"What?" wondered Mommy Feet, when she finally started noticing how loudly Little Feet and Big Little Sister Feet were yelling in the back of the car.
"I think your daughters want you to keep your eyes on the road," said Big Feet, who was clinging to the 'Oh SHIT' handle on the passenger side of the road.
Mommy Feet was a little hurt by this, and craned her head over her shoulder to look reproachfully at her daughter Feets. "I drive good," she told them.
The big blue Toyota Previa drifted into the other lane. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" shrieked the daughter Feets.
Mommy Feet wanted to show the Big Feet Pike Place Market. "Have you ever been there?" Mommy Feet asked the Big Feet, but nobody listened to what the Big Feet had to say in answer because all the other Feet in the car knew they were going to Pike Place Market anyway.
It was cold in Pike Place Market. Big Feet noticed.
"It's cold," Big Feet said to Little Feet. "And I bet it's raining, too."
Big Feet thought that was very funny. Big Feet liked to make fun of Seattle. Little Feet didn't think it was funny at all.
"It doesn't rain all the time in Seattle," Little Feet huffed.
"Nine months of the year!" Big Feet snickered.
"IT DOES NOT RAIN NINE MONTHS OF THE YEAR!" Little Feet yelled. "WE HAVE DROUGHT HERE! Crap. It is raining."
Sister Feet was very excited by the digital camera. Big Feet showed Sister Feet how to use it, and Sister Feet ran around the market taking pictures.
Pictures of fish,
pictures of fruit...
"Take a picture of the pig," said Little Feet. So Big Feet took a picture of a big metal pig.
"Weirdo," Little Feet said.
"What?" said Big Feet. "It's a tourist attraction."
After the Market, Mommy Feet dragged all the other Feets to the wharf. Little Feet complained all the way to the pier. Mommy Feet lectured. Little Feet shut up because it was easier than listening to Mommy Feet lecturing.
At the pier, Mommy Feet and Big Feet and Little Feet leaned over the railing that was put there to keep stupid Feet from falling into the water. "Look," said Mommy Feet. "Fishes."
"Big fishes!" said Big Feet, and tried to take a picture.
"I wonder what kind of fish they are?" wondered Little Feet.
"They look yummy," said Mommy Feet.
Can you see the fish in the picture? I can.
When the Feets finally made their way home, it was getting late and Big Feet and Little Feet were tired. Sister Feet was still very excited about the digital camera, and kept trying to take pictures of the Seattle skyline from the car. In the back seat, Big Feet and Little Feet tried to give advice.
"Take it now. No, now. No, not now. Now! Now!"
"You were too late," said Little Feet and Big Feet, and they snickered over the picture.
Sister Feet wanted to try again.
"Now!" Little Feet and Big Feet yelled.
"Close enough," Little Feet said.
For Thanksgiving, Mommy Feet made a turkey.
Little Feet named it Bob.
"Isn't Bob your landlord?"
"Yes."
"You really want to name the turkey after your landlord?"
"Bob's a good name. I like my landlord. Shut up. Shhhhh."
It was a very nice turkey.
Mommy Feet had the rest of the visit all planned out, down to where and what the Feets would eat. One day, the Feet walked down to the mall nearby and had dim sum.
"Yum yum dim sum!" yelled Little Feet.
When they walked back, Little Feet flopped down on the sofa and said, "Oof. Full. Very very full." Little Feet patted her belly.
The Mommy Feet came bounding into the living room, where Little Feet were meditating on their big belly. "Give me your feet!" Mommy Feet ordered.
Little Feet was suspicious, but put one of her feet up onto the coffee table. "Why?" Little Feet asked.
Mommy Feet pulled off Little Feet's sock and pulled out some medical tape. "I'm going to tape your big toe and your second toe together," she announced, and started going around and around with the tape.
Little Feet giggled. "That tickles. That really -- wait. Why are you taping my toes together?"
Little Feet was confused. Mommy Feet explained. "I saw it on a show on NHK Japan. They took these people from the audience and taped their two first toes together, and when they had walked around for twenty minutes with their toes taped together, they measured their waists and their waists had gotten smaller."
"Oh my God. You're mad," said Little Feet, firmly. "All of you people. All the Japanese. You're all mad."
Mommy Feet gave Little Feet the tape and puttered away. Little Feet tried to walk around with her toes taped together. It was very strange. Mommy Feet was very strange. Everything in the world was very strange.
Big Feet laughed at Little Feet.
"Mommy Feet's a lunatic," said Little Feet, sadly. The doorbell rang. Little Feet went to open it.
"Hi!" said Friend Feet. Friend Feet had brought Boyfriend Feet. Nobody had ever met Boyfriend Feet before.
"Look at what Mommy Feet did to me," said Little Feet morosely, and wiggled her untaped toes at Friend Feet.
"Uh," said Boyfriend Feet. "Hi." He looked more confused than frightened. Something is obviously wrong with him. Why didn't he look frightened?
Friend Feet laughed.
Little Feet and Big Feet flew home.
"Did you have a good time?" asked Little Feet.
Big Feet opened his mouth to answer. Little Feet interrupted.
"The correct answer is 'Yes,'" she told him.
Big Feet closed his mouth. "Yes," he said politely.
The End.