crossing borders

Me:

It's been almost a full work week since my surgery, and the residual ill effects appear to have run their course. Finally. It's worthwhile to note that today is the first day I've felt I could eat solid food without wandering deep into projectile vomiting territory, legacy of my pre-surgery illness, and in the last week I've lost 4 pounds. According to Weight Watchers, I'm now officially down to 132 pounds.

While surgery may not be the recommended method for weight loss, I have to say that since I had to have it done anyway, it might as well have come with beneficial side effects. True, most of the weight loss is probably the deterioration of the muscle I went to all that trouble to develop. On the other hand, c'mon. I'm down almost ten pounds since I got engaged. My beautiful, shiny ring falls off my finger if I sneeze too hard. So far this has limited itself to falling off if I sneeze too hard in the bathroom, specifically, but I'm optimistic that this could happen in other parts of the house as well.

If ever there's a moment when I doubt my membership in the female social identity, all I have to do is step on a scale. I would like to point out, however, that one's weight is one of the only clearly measurable ladders of triumph available to women. Men have both salaries and penises. There just aren't that many things women are willing to whip out in front of total strangers.

I just heard on the news -- on NPR news, mind you -- that philanthropist Joan Kroc just left NPR more than $200 million. According to NPR, this is the largest single donation to an American cultural institution. 85% of the donation has been earmarked for the endowment, which will provide NPR with $10 million a year, while the remainder will be used for special projects, programs, and operating costs. I even got email about it, just in case I missed the news.

Yay, NPR. Eat that, Clear Channel.

From my sister, all typos and spellings complete as originally submitted:

oh, the joys of bringing a car over the borders in central america... the fond memories...nothing but kind, cooperative, individuals just wanting, no wait, just needing to help you get over the border in a quick and efficient manner.

wait, that{s not right.

was i daydreaming again?

border crossings with a vehicle remind me of the quote:

´what a waste it is to lose one´s mind or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. how true that is.´
-dan quayle attempting to quote the line ´a mind is a terrible thing to waste.´

that´s it! border crossings make me understand what it must be like to live in dan quayle´s mind.

for the most part, border crossings have gone something along the lines of:

reaching the departing border, rev your engine twice before getting out of the car.

you are told that you are in the wrong place.

you need to drive 15-200 meters down some random alley to retrieve some very unofficial looking forms in an unmarked, brick, building. duh.

you get this form from the mummified looking woman wearing a yellow cardigan who is crouched below the pool table in the basement. make sure she{s wearing the yellow cardigan. not amber, not gold, yellow.

she will hand you the forms...for money.

take these forms and go to the otherside of town and have them photocopied.

return to the crusty, old lady and have her sign the originals -because she will only sign it once she sees the photocopy of the original document.

she will ask for more money. why? who knows. don{t give it to her.

take the photocopied documents to A man. what man? just any man she says. the one down A street. what street? who knows!?

go down the street, find A man, have him look at the paper. he nods, grunts, farmer blows on your documents, and signs it.

you are handed 10+ more papers.

he asks for money.

take form to customs he says...to the town 20km down the road.

listen to three prune faced men quarrel for 30 minutes as to how to process the papers.

they settle the argument.

they ask for money.

the time hits high noon.

instead of processing papers, they decide to siesta.

i could go on for pages about this. fortunately for you guys, i won{t. i{m assuming that most of you have already hit the DELETE button already. for those of you who haven{t...what is wrong with you?!

take care everyone!
love,
sako

days on the road: 35-ish
accidents: 2.6
encounters with ｴcivil servantsｴ: 6
bribes payed: 1 @ $180.00 USD
missing limbs: 0...although i did cut my fingernail too close to the skin. i got tabasco on it...it kind of hurt.
number of fights: nothing really since ´the incident´
car has broken down: twice. something about a clogged air way. PCV was changed.
please send: advil. i´m trying to ween myself off of coffee. i feel like a potato.