the cheese.

I'm all over the board today, what with working at home. Working at home is one of those things that you should only do if you are instilled with a level of self-discipline utterly lacking in my day-to-day life. I say it without pride; it is not an admirable trait, bordering more on the self-destructive than the useful. It is entirely possible that I could be chased by a disgruntled, murderous ostrich down a flat, one-way street, and would still pause to pick up something shiny because it caught my eye.

Diabetes is my ostrich. The streets are strewn with shiny things. For example, sex cheese....

Distractions are everywhere. At work, the distractions are animate: coworkers and customers asking questions, wanting opinions, venting, talking. At home, the distractions are more stationary, and as a result, more pernicious: laundry, dust, clutter, dishes.

It's tempting to just stop working and do some vacuuming. When did I get so old that the allure of the DVD player, the TV set, the Playstation, the computer games, the books and the refrigerator fade when compared to a forty-pound Dirt Devil?

I know. I'll use my federally mandated 15 minute work break.

Yay.

Now that I think about it, the phrase "sex cheese" requires a little explanation. As a phrase just thrown out there without context, it tends to trigger notions in, shall we say, seamier minds. While I know that its name suggests that it is an pseudonym for different, less mentionable things, in point of fact the Sex Cheese is exactly what its name says: Cheese.

The Sex part of its title is another story altogether.

Sex Cheese is more commonly known as Saint-Marcellin, a "creamy, unpasteurized natural rind cheese of cow's or goat's milk. It usually has a round shape with wrinkly, natural rind, dusted with a coating of white yeast. The texture of the young cheese varies from firm to very runny and it has a mild, slightly salty flavor. When ripe, it is irresistible with slightly yeasty taste. It typically has a beige crust with blue mold and a soft, beige creamy interior. It has an intensely rustic, nutty, fruity flavor."

What that description doesn't tell you is that it tastes good. So good that it is, in fact, the cheesy version of chocolate.

What that description also doesn't tell you is that at room temperature, it's very soft and runny, white, viscous, and has a slightly grainy look to it -- pale white with slightly deeper white pockets -- that makes it look like....

What that description also doesn't tell you is that the 'natural rind' is not really firm, but not really soft, so when you cut into it the inside comes pouring out. And as it pours it, the rind, which maintains its shape, slowly starts to sag and fall into itself and go, well, flaccid....

At any rate, there you go. Sex Cheese.

Moving on.

No, never mind. Don't move on.

I'm now fixated on the sex cheese.

Excuse me. Refrigerator calls.