Landlords and leasing

When we bought the house back in April/May, we asked if we could break our lease if we could find someone to replace us as tenants. Our lease was until July 31st. The landlord said no. You are responsible for the townhouse until July 31, as per the lease, he said.

Okay, the lease, we said, but we've bought a new home and we're offering you a trade. We will take on the burden of finding a person who will take over the lease so we can leave early, who will then stay on for a year-long lease after we're gone. In other words, instead of having a tenant who leaves at the end of July, you'd get a tenant who starts in May and leaves May 2008 at the earliest.

You're still responsible, said the landlord, PER THE LEASE.

YES, we said, BUT HERE'S WHAT WE'RE SAYING. WE'RE LEAVING. WOULDN'T YOU RATHER YOU HAVE A LONG-TERM REPLACEMENT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE LEAVING SHORT-TERM, RATHER THAN SHORT-TERM PEOPLE WITH NO GUARANTEE FOR FUTURE TENANTS IN PLACE?

Okay, fine, you can, said the landlord, if you'll pay $1850 to the building manager to pay for the paperwork of finding a new tenant after you find the new tenant.

Excuse us, we said. Isn't that an entire month's rent? So if it's the beginning of May now and we've had to pay May rent, and we have to pay an entire month's rent to the building manager, and we don't find a tenant in June, we'd end up doing all the work and getting none of the benefit of leaving early, i.e. the money back?

You understand correctly, said the building manager.

Well, fuck you! we said. We'll finish out our lease.

So that's what we've done. We've been living in both addresses now for a couple of weeks -- ostensibly, although the reality is that we've actually moved into the new place, with some stuff still remaining to be moved in the old place, and some serious clean-up work required before that place is habitable. The building manager reminded us a couple of times that we needed to send a signed 30 day notice, per the lease, and that 30 days before the end of our lease, she would start showing the place to prospective tenants. You know. Per the lease.

She emailed and called me four times to ask if she could come by last Sunday to take pictures for the ad. Which she would place, so she could start showing the location to people 30 days before we left. You know, as per the lease.

Okay, I said, but we haven't finished moving out yet and the place is really messy. We haven't had time to do much about it yet.

Today she sent me an email complaining about the mess in the old place. "I did go to #### Sunday. But it is not suitable for taking pictures or showing. It is not ready. Can you please make it more ready for me to shoot the pictures and showing?"

Gosh, I said. It's messy? No kidding! I did warn you, I told her. And anyway, we're only obligated to let you show the place 30 days before we leave. We're not obligated to finish moving out and cleaning up so you can show it. We've got the place until July 31, after all.

You know. Per the lease.

"We're so sorry you're moving out," said our next door neighbor, when she came home and saw the boxes in our living room. "You were the best neighbors we've ever had here."

"Well, that's just pathetic," I said.

"I'm not kidding," she said. "The last neighbors wouldn't even look at us. They'd run when they saw us coming, so they wouldn't have to say hi."

I just call that unfriendly, personally. Still, as usual, I was inclined to be charitable. "Maybe they had hideous growths on their faces and were embarrassed for you to see them," I suggested.

She seemed doubtful.

It transpired that she had used to live in the same unit we were living in, and lived there for 7 years before she finally couldn't deal with the landlord anymore and begged the next door neighbor (who was about to rent his townhouse out, at the time) to let her move in there instead.

"And then we spent a year and a half in court, trying to get the dickhead who owns your unit to give us our deposit back," she said.

"Oh," I said. "Er."

She leaned in and confided, "He's such a shithead."

"Really?" I said. "Uh, who won?"

"We did." Even years later, she smoldered with righteous wrath.

I made a little congratulatory fist and waved it for her. "Yay!"

"Such a shithead."

This is the sort of thing it would've been useful to know before we signed the lease....